ScapeGOAT, get it??? Get it?  Haha! I am so funny!

I live with my narcissist mother (after a long period of no contact).  You can read about that throughout my posts.  So much of what I've written about in the past is about going no contact, but now my posts are coming from a place of dealing with living with a narcissist (especially an elderly one with dementia) and how to deal with it.

If I had one thing to tell the world about narcissistic mothers?  It's that they are incapable of love and we don't have to love them back.  We don't need to feel guilty about that either.  We can care for them and care about their well being, but we don't have to love them.  They can't love us (or anyone, even themselves) and that's something we have to come to terms with.  But once we do, we can then release the hold they have on us and let go of the idea of being the perfect child.  Our lives are for living for us and our chosen family, not them.  We do not live to serve them, even though they treat us as though we do.  Live your life for you, friends.  You only get one, so make it good.  If that means going no contact or just severing the ties that bind you to them (mentally and emotionally), do what you have to in order to get your life back.  Unconditional love is only meant for our children, not our parents.  If they abuse us?  They do not deserve us.  Take what you gave to them and what they should have given to you, and instead, give it to yourself.  You deserve love.  Especially from you.  ❤

On Writing

For the past twenty years I've tried to write my memoir.  I've started it and stopped it at least twenty times.  I've come at it from all angles.  I used to think I had to be healed from my parents abuse in order to write it.  I used to think I would only write about my father.  I used to think that I would wait until after they both were gone to write it.  I used to think a lot of things.  But now, in 2020, the year of the quarantine, I found my voice and I'm almost done with it (UPDATE: I wrote so much it ended up being THREE memoirs, with more coming!).  It's crazy how much you can write when it's easy.  I write (on this blog, journaling, and in my memoir) in order to heal.  I suggest you do the same.  Because your story can only be told by you.  And we all are suffering together and need to know we're not alone.  Even if you never release it, you can write it on a password protected private blog if need be.  Just get it all down.  Even if you suck at writing.  Even if it's a total mess.  You can delete it when you're done or destroy it.  Or you can leave it for your kids to read one day.  Or you can publish it.  Whatever you do, just write it.

It's the most healing thing you can do, especially if you grew up with toxic and abusive parents.

I'll post here when my memoir is done and ready to be released. 😉  If you have one you've written or a blog you keep, feel free to post a link below.