Sheldon Cooper is the loveable love-to-hate character from Big Bang Theory, played by the wonderful Jim Parsons.  He plays a scientist with severe aspergers, who is probably the most selfish person on earth.  Well, not really, but pretty close.

I've seen so many times his character being named as one of TV's biggest narcissists.  But I wholly disagree, as Sheldon lacks the BIGGEST reason one would be considered a narcissist:

He doesn't require narcissistic supply. 

Yes, Sheldon is selfish as hell.  He even punishes people (like a selfish child would) for not obeying his orders.  But it's not like he's getting pleasure from punishing people, he just wants what he wants and will do anything to get it.  This indicates a very stunted emotional issue rather than full blown NPD.  He acts like a small child making decisions in a big man's body.

As for his grandeur issues, people with autism who are very book smart usually have a very high sense of self and have a hard time relating to others because of it.  So they have no way to gauge when they've gone too far.  Because autism comes with "black and white thinking", aspies can have an issue with "this is the way it is" and have a hard time changing their minds.  If they believe they are smart, or smarter than others, then they will express that idea, a lot.  Black and white thinking, mixed with a lack of empathy (unable to understand how other people work), and autism can mimic NPD, to a point.

Narcissists get a kick out of hurting others.  It makes them feel better about themselves and they enjoy hurting people.  Aspies (those with aspergers or autism), do not.  Aspies can be inherently selfish (not always--I am one, and I used to be super selfish), but they don't enjoy fucking with others for the sake of their own sense of self.  Usually we are seen as selfish because we either don't know how to relate to others or can't read when we've pushed to far to get our own way.  Why we want to get our own way is normally because we are stuck in our own heads and have a hard time with the give and take in relationships.  We tend to take more.

We can outgrow some of these behaviors and get better socially, but only if our aspergers is mild.  The more severe we have it, the less we have the ability to adapt and learn about our surroundings or life in general.  And Sheldon?  Is pretty severe (although his character does not 100% correctly depict autism, as in real life, he'd be WAY less social and more apt to spend time alone and he'd script more).

But growing up surrounded by narcissists, and growing up having aspergers, I can clearly see the difference.  Although sometimes, it's still very hard, as many aspies can end up in codependent relationships or sometimes even have NPD themselves.  One women with aspergers I know is married to a man with aspergers, who has NPD.  She, herself, has the type of NPD where she thrives on getting her supply from other bigger narcissists, and causing chaos in their lives with gossip and interfering.  I had always wondered why she chose people who treated her like shit over being friends with me (whom she used and treated like shit).  After learning about this type of NPD, I stopped being angry by her behavior and let it go.  I mean, you can't change a narcissist, right?  So why even be bothered by them?

My friend got off on spreading rumors, creating chaos, and hurting people by telling them what other people said about them (a secondary form of causing pain).  Whereas Sheldon just is selfish, plain and simple.  He doesn't gain happiness by hurting others.  He doesn't need to hurt people to survive.  Without those aspects, you don't have the right mixture for NPD.  All you have is a severely selfish guy with autism who can't see past his own wants and needs.  I can see how one could mix up the two, but without supply?  There's no NPD.  Plain and simple.


TV doesn't ever get it completely right, due to the fact that without redeeming qualities, then the character would be so hated that they'd have no point to be on the show.  But the closest thing I've seen to true NPD is the old show on Disney called "Good Luck, Charlie" that my kids used to watch.  The mother on that show gets off on competing with her daughter and has a very high sense of self.  But the absolute closest thing to real NPD is Raymond's mom on "Everybody Loves Raymond".  Everything on that show is very real when it comes to this personality disorder.  But not Sheldon.  He's just a selfish doofus with redeemable qualities 😉


What TV personalities do you think has true NPD?  Or movies?  Let me know below!

Do you have any to add to this list?  

Question from a reader: "I am a Christian and I am having a hard time with 'honor thy mother and they father' and still protect myself from my abusive parents.  What should I do?" 

The answer to this question lies in the question itself: mother and father.  You have to ask yourself, what do these words mean to you?  You can go the traditional route and say they are the people who gave birth to you.  But many people are adopted, so that can't be something that matters in the grand scheme of things.  So then you have to look at the second definition: the people that raised you.

But you then have to really challenge that idea too.  Because many of us who were raised by abusive (no matter how little or much they abused us) narcissists, had to pretty much raise ourselves.  The bible is all about interpretation (though some see it as literal), and I suggest you interpret the terms "mother and father" as loosely as they fit into them.  My father was alcoholic who beat my mother and mentally tormented me.  Does that sound like a father to you?  My mother would get abused by  my father, and then get to the point where she's have enough and then turn him on me, on purpose.  She sent him to hurt me.  And then she'd tell me I was crazy if I'd confront her about it.  Does that sound like a mother to you?  (Once she told me if I called the cops after my dad punched me in the face she's beat my ass so badly they'd have a reason to arrest her instead).

Letting you live in their home and paying for you to survive (and some don't even do that much) does not a parent make.  Any adult in the right position can do that.

So, what does "mother and father" mean to you?  For most of us, the only "mother and father" we have are our inner parents, the ones we create for ourselves.  So you could interpret that line to honor your inner mother and father, those that would nurture you and love you no matter what.  To honor those that would protect you from others who hurt you (like your birth parents, or whomever you identify as your abusers).

So honor yourself, and protect yourself from anyone who's agenda is to cause you pain.  Because no matter your belief, your higher power would NEVER want you to subjected people who are abusive and can't (and won't) change.

But there is another way to interpret that line: honoring your mother and father does not mean you have to be around them.  You can honor them by giving them their space to be who they are without your presence in their lives.  You can't change them, right? (and the answer is no, you can't)  So why live your life being miserable because you can't change them?  Honor who they are by letting them be abusive on their own time, away from you.  We do not owe other human beings (besides our children--unless they are abusive) anything at all.  And we certainly never EVER owe anyone the right to hurt and abuse us, no matter who they are.

When you go no contact?  In it's own way, it IS honoring our parents.  We are saying "I am going just going to let you be who you are without my interference or judgment and protect myself at the same time."  It's probably the ultimate way of honoring them, because we can stop participating in their drama and stop trying to change them into the parents we want them to be.  They are then free to just be who they are.

Whichever way you want to come to the understanding that going no contact in no way goes against religious beliefs, it doesn't matter.  The important thing is that you realize this and do what you need to do in order to protect yourself and your family from your abusive parent(s).  Because your job first and foremost is to honor yourself (your inner parents) and your children's parents (you and your significant other) when it comes to abuse.

Protecting our children (and our inner children) from those who wish us harm is an innate human drive.  And not protecting them (and ourselves) makes us closer to acting like our abusers (ask yourself, how many time did your parent(s) put you in harms way or fail to protect you?) and that's not our goal in life, is it?

No, our goal is to be the best humans we can be, and be the best parents (inner and to our own children, if we have them) we can be as well.

Love and forgiveness never means having to put yourself or your family in harm's away.  Never.  So don't get confused when you're trying to decipher religion vs. how to treat your abusive parent(s).  Protecting yourself and your family comes first before the people that cause you all pain.  Period. 

After you get that part down, the rest comes easy 🙂