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She calls me on Saturday while I am at Walmart and says "I don't even know if I want to hear it."  Not one ounce of concern in her voice or asking, "Is everyone okay?  What happened?"  Nope, she was just angry and was thinking about how much her insurance rates would go up.

Earlier in the day, I backed up into my alley to leave to go to Walmart and backed into my neighbor's car who was turning in from the street.  I gave him our insurance (in her name) and he called and made a claim immediately (I thought he was going to get it checked out first).  I didn't call her right away, because why?  It wasn't a big deal, but even if it was, I would never call her asap.  Because of the above scenario: she could care less if anyone got hurt.  She had no idea how bad the accident was or if anyone was hurt, the insurance only called to make sure we had permission to be using her car.  That's it.  Her car only has scratches on it, very tiny ones at that.  Another reason if it had been bad that I still would not call her because I don't want her knowing my business.  Yes, it's her car, but if someone was hurt?  She would not be the first person I'd call.  Because she's a total bitch and doesn't deserve the time of day from me or my family.

I HAVE to deal with her when I have to, but that's it.  I will not bother with her more than I HAVE to because she doesn't deserve me giving her more than a fart in the wind.  And even that is too much.

I know, I sound bitter, but today I was going through my "Will I Ever Be Good Enough" workbook and rereading everything I wrote down.  I should really finish that book.  It may help me work out my anger towards her.  When, on Saturday, she didn't even ask if we were okay, that really sealed the deal for the present.  I've already been really angry with her, to the point of feeling numb, but then she did that.  It just cements in my head all over again just how much she doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself.  It's quite disgusting.  And makes me angry all over again.

Then on Saturday she wanted me to come over and put away her yard table and chairs and take out her air conditioning.  I told her I would, but never said when.  I came on Monday and she was annoyed, "I was waiting all Sunday!"  "I never said I was coming on Sunday."  "I thought I made it clear on Saturday I wanted you to come Sunday."  I, then, changed the subject on her.  We had already put her table and chairs away before she even knew we were there, thank god, otherwise she'd come out to boss us around.  Then she bitched I hadn't brought the car down so she could see the scratches.  I said a) there's nothing to see and b) our other car has a flat tire so my husband had to take her car to work.  Then five minutes later she was bitching I didn't bring the car down.  "Ma, I JUST told you, ours has a flat tire."  "Then WHO has MY car then??"  *sigh*  Her dementia is literally getting THAT bad, ladies and gents.  Not to mention her telling me the same stories over and over and over again for the past few weeks.  Each time, she changes something....making herself sound better and better.

Of course, right?  I mean, even her dementia is laced with her narcissism.


I am supposed to be caring for my ailing mother, mourning the loss of her memory and being sad because I know what's coming next.  But, instead, I am stuck with this woman, who I can't wait till she goes in a home.  You know in some countries, you HAVE to take care of your parents when they age?  It's the law.  HAHAHAHAHAHA fuck that.  So glad we live in the good 'ol USA where you can dump your asshole narcissistic parent in a home where THEY do all the work and you can visit when you want (if you want).

She once told me I wasn't allowed to dis-invite people from her funeral, because it's not about me, it's about them.  Funny, she thinks people will actually show up.  The way she's pissed off so many people with her awful mouth, I will be surprised if anyone comes other than me and my hubby and kids.

And yes, I will dis-invite whomever I please, thank you very much.  Actually, I will make the service private, and people will have to call to attend, that way no surprises happen and crazy people don't show up.

It helps the anxiety go away when thinking about when she dies if I plan what I am going to do for her funeral ahead of time, that way I am prepared for when the time comes.  Because thinking about my extended family coming or her old step-kids or her dead husband's friends showing up?  Makes me sick with anxiety.  Ick.  Better to plan it out now, so we know exactly what's going to happen when the time eventually comes.  But by then, none of my family or those other people will even remember she exists.

Yeah, so that was my weekend.  Mother caring more about her car insurance going up than if were okay.  Nice, eh?  Irritating, but not surprising.  As usual.





They tend to want to stir shit up.  That's the only explanation I can give for what I found today.  I have access to her email, only because a) I have to check her medical results and she gets them there, b) I have to keep an eye on what she tells other people (she hardly ever writes emails, but when she does, I need to know what she's saying...sounds stalkery, but she tends to write to people and lie to them about her health or about me, so when they come calling, I am not surprised by it), and c) I need to keep on top of her spending, she tends to run off and buy crazy shit when she's manic and the receipts always come to her email as she can only shop online.

So, to start with, I've been keeping abreast of a different situation that I brought up to her recently: this past summer, my family were going to go spread my uncle's ashes in a lake (fucking gross!) and they invited my mother (not me).  My mom kept telling them she can't go because I won't go, and I said "Have them take you!"  She said no and would proceed to guilt trip me one second about her not being able to be there and the next second tells me "those people can go to hell because they ruined his funeral!" (which they did).  So, I told her to ask her sister if she ever came down to do this, as it's only an hour away from our house.  A FIVE HOUR drive, only to not come the rest of the way to see her sister, who has dementia and probably won't remember her by the time she ever comes down (which is what she did with her brother, so I can see she doesn't actually give two shits about my mother--oh well).  So, I saw she wrote to her sister, and my aunt wrote back and said yes, indeed, she did come down.  My mom hasn't told me about it yet, and it's been a week, so either a) she's pissed at her and doesn't want to talk about it or b) she doesn't want me to make a big stink about it (which I did, at the time, but now I won't because I don't give a flying rat's ass).  Oh well, but at least I know if she came down or not.  And that proves I was right about my aunt all along: she's a selfish bitch.  BUT then again, they all are, so why I am surprised?  Really, I'm not.

So, today I open her email, to see if my mother wrote back to her (Perhaps something nasty?  Or something sucking up to her?  You never know with mother or what her moods will bring).  And instead, I see this message written to her dead husband's old BFF.

"I hope I got the right (insert name here).  I have got my head on a LITTLE straighter....if you want to call or email me, I promise to respond.  I think of you all often, my number is (insert number here)".  
Um, so yeah.  She hasn't talked to this guy in FIVE years.  The last time she said that about "getting her head on straighter" she was writing a letter on paper to her dead husband's daughter, bashing me and telling her "when she stopped messing with you, she came after me".  Meaning, that I was somehow fucking with people.  Um, no, his daughter was married to an abusive prick and I called my step-sister out on it.  That's it.  That's what REAL friends do for one another, you don't sit there and let them be abused.  And the whole "she came after me" was the whole falling out that started this blog, which BTW, was started by MY MOTHER (and she has no idea it even exists).  Granted, I started it by blogging about MY abuse in my home growing up under a fake name, but, is that really starting anything?  To a narcissist it is.

So here a few things you need to know about this situation: a) the person she's writing to HATES her (yet she doesn't know it) because he heard first hand from Goose, her dead husband.  Goose's daughters told their mother about the mental and verbal abuse they suffered in my mother's home from her.  And b) the "you all" in her letter are a group of NA friends that Goose had, that all AGAIN, hate my mother.

So, my first instinct is that my mother's trying to stir the pot for NO reason.  Yes, she's back in her crabby stage, but we aren't fighting or getting mad or anything right now.  But, then again, we weren't fighting when she tried to writing that note to my ex-stepsister (I call her "ex", because her father is dead, and we aren't fucking related by marriage anymore).  I still have it, that letter, which sounds dumb, but sometimes I need to reminded of her wicked behavior.  So now, we have this letter she wrote today.  I HOPE he writes back and does NOT call her (turns out, he didn't do either).  I really want to know what she's going to say to him...I want to see if she portrays herself as a victim of some made up situation.  Though I am sure it would be all about what went down between Goose's old friends, Goose's ex-girlfriend and their children.  I am not sure if I ever posted the whole story here about this, but I will give you a rundown:

  1. I became friends with Trix through a support group for stay at home mothers.  Her boyfriend Goose (father of her two children) was a grumpy asshole.
  2. My great-aunt died and her house was up for sale.  So Trix and Goose bought the house.  It was right next door to my meemaw's and peepaw's old house, and my mother lived there when Goose moved in.
  3. Goose had surgery on his arm, and Trix left him while he was recuperating in the hospital.  Goose came home and tried to commit suicide.
  4. Goose's friend found him, and took him to the ER.  He got on the right meds, got out and was the happiest man alive.  Long gone was the grumpy asshole I always knew him to be (and I knew him for many years). 
  5. So with Trix gone, and Goose on the right meds, he decided he was in love with my mother.  They started dating.  Goose's kids were my kids' ages. 
  6. As it turns out, Trix left him because she was back on drugs and had become a Craigslist hooker.  She lived in her own apartment and Goose had the kids on certain days.
  7. Goose then moved into my mom's apartment and sold my Aunt Lutefisk's old house.
  8. With him having partial custody, the kids would now be visiting my mother's house.  The more the kids came over, the more grumpy my mom got.  She didn't like sharing Goose with anyone.  And I mean ANYONE.  She was not even spending time with me or my kids anymore, and she bitched every single time we came over.  
  9. Goose became more and more distant with my mothers horrible behavior, eventually reverting back to the grumpy asshole he was when he was with Trix.  Then he found out that he had cancer.
  10. Then Trix abandoned her children with a friend, and Goose found out and went to the court.  Trix lost custody of their kids due to being a drug addict.  Mother and Goose got custody.
  11. Goose's cancer got worse, so they kids stayed with me most days while Goose spent more time at an out of town hospital. 
  12. Mother became very verbally abusive to the girls, and would force them to sit in a corner for hours on end.  The oldest girl caught her verbal abuse on video, by turning on a webcam without her knowing.  Though I didn't find this until much later, after the girls went back to live with their mom.  
  13. Goose died and Trix got them back, even though she tested positive for opiates.  And I am not talking prescription drugs here.
  14. The girls hate my mother and have nothing to do with me at all.  Like, me, my husband, and our kids were just erased from their lives for no reason.  The kids had attachment issues: whomever gave them what they wanted, won.  So, before they left, the oldest girl wrote death threats on her bedroom wall dedicated to my mother (written in yellow highligher on a yellow wall, that I could only see when I held a blacklight up to it--something that happened by accident).
  15. When my mother lost custody, she purposefully didn't tell Trix about some of the money she was getting from the VA for them (something I had no idea what she was talking about until the VA came after her for it).  So, she's been getting that money for SIX YEARS and now she's been caught.  
  16. I hope my mom goes to prison for it, because she did it on purpose just to be a bitch to their mother.  She never did, but she did lose more money because she has to pay the government back.


Wow, I got the story out in less than 20 steps! Whoo hoo!  Very complicated situation.  One thing being that she LOVES to tell the story of how "her and the girls got along so well and she misses them so much" (when in reality she HATES them and they HATE her) and she is such a victim because Trix won't let her see them.  Waaaahhhh!  Pffft.  Such bullshit.

I will add a couple more things: my ex-stepsister is a total asshole and hates my mother now.  How she showed she hated her was pretty fucking low, but if it was me who had done it?  I would have been proud of myself for what happened, so I kind of can't blame her.  But then again, I would had never had done something like that.  I think Sara (ex-stepsister) is a LOT like me in a way: she's me before I figured out my mom was a narc.  I was so far stuck up my mother's ass I did anything she said.  So, that situation?  Was her mother telling her to do what she did.  So in a way, I don't blame her.  Goose was always either married to narcs or dating them.  His codependency (even with drugs) knew no bounds.  And I feel we kind of deserved it, as my mother had me take down Goose's memorialized Facebook page after he died.  It hurt Sara a lot, and I knew I should not have listened to my mother, though at the time, I was angry and it felt justified.  My  mother sure knew how to pull my strings and I always let her.  So if I could tell Sara I was sorry, I would.  I would never have taken his page down and I would have never listened to a damn thing my mother ever told me to do.  I am not sure if I posted about this entire situation with Sara or not, but I do know I wrote about it in one of my memoirs!  


So this guy she emailed was their best man at the their wedding (I was the matron of honor, but had there been anyone else to choose, she most likely would have chosen them to be...I was just the only choice).  After Goose's death, this best man came by a few times, and eventually stopped.  I have no idea what happened to him since then, but Trix suggested something strange, but never elaborated.  I won't even speculate here, but I highly doubt he'll write or call her back, ever.  But, in the event he does, it's what she says back to him is what we want to know here.  What the entire point of stirring that pot again is for.  Because, it's very, very random that after 5 years she emails him out of the blue (I just remembered, he used to call her all the time and she never called him back...so that's why he stopped talking to her).

Though I have found out throughout the years, this is what she always does.  She just gets an idea to contact someone who doesn't talk to her anymore and will contact them out of the blue.  She's bored and always wants to dip back into old pots.  I mean, if there was drama once, she can certainly stir up more again, right?  Old blood is new blood and means more toys to play with it.  Because that's all people are to her: toys.   

I am scared of her writing something horrible to him.  Because I don't want another war between us again.  Not now.  I am so done with drama, but for a narc, they just can't live without it.  Though, even if she writes something awful, I may just choose to ignore it and go through other channels to correct her.  I don't know if I'll even do anything at all.  I just don't know.

*sigh*  We'll see how this plays out.